Love and Perception

When I had my first girlfriend I was so jealous that I was pissed off when her dog licked her leg. I was thinking “That’s my leg!” and wanted to kill the dog for tasting what was mine alone.

Obviously I wasn’t going to kill her dog. But you get the idea.

In one of the times I pushed her away for feeling inadequate, she briefly dated someone else, and they made out. I wanted to kill him for touching her. She was “MY Princess.”

As I progressed, eventually rage-filled jealousy began to give way to maturity. Eventually I brought a woman I wanted to get to know, whom I was in love with on a trip with me. But on the trip she realized that I wasn’t a good fit for her, and she wanted to spend time with someone else. I wasn’t full of rage, jealous, angry. I just felt disappointed that we didn’t fit in that way.

Relationships when from an intense need for me, to today, to be a bonus which makes life more beautiful, more simple, easier to manage, and highly evolutionary. A relationship can bring the warmth required to soften the hard edges of our hearts.

There are many beliefs floating around about love. One is “There is someone for everyone.” Another is “I need someone to feel whole.”

You’re free to believe what you would like, however in this blog we’ll explore the raw perceptual mechanics of love. Some of your views may be influenced as a result.

Our senses help us to engage with our audience. So they direct our attention to the environment we must interface with. As we do this our attention leaves our bodies and we stop feeling inside with as much clarity. Instead our highest resolution gaze falls on the objects and situations which fall into our sensory field.

In the same way that your partner feels more love when you speak to them with your full conscious presence, and less when you ignore them and just say “Uh huh”, while playing with an app on your phone.

Our bodies are the same way. When we pull our attention from the body and into the environment, we feel comparatively empty. Like something is missing, and we look into the outside world to fulfill it.

We all have a set of beliefs about how love is supposed to be, and what relationships are like. We all have a notion of what we want. When these conditions appear to be met, we fulfill the requirements for feeling love. In other words, if we perceive that our preferences have been properly massaged, we feel love.

Let’s explore the deeper reality of relationships.

Person A and Person B agree that when they stand together in this position that they create a “unit.”

As they stand together for quite some time they start to have beliefs about the unit. They say “In units, you’re supposed to behave this way.” or “A unit is supposed to last forever!” They talk about how much they like being in a unit. They talk about maybe even expanding the unit one day.

Eventually Person B decides to go stand somewhere else. Persona A is heartbroken. The unit was supposed to last forever! You’re not supposed to leave the unit!”

But in reality there is no unit.

Relationships are the same. Whether you call in a partnership, a marriage, a union, a friendship, they’re all units. They are an event that we mistake to be a thing, which has a life, rules, a tangibility to them.

It’s no surprise why.

Every second trillions of bits of sensory data are presented to our vault of experience, which is out history, and our genetic legacy. Our subconscious rapidly compares all of that data to it’s files, and makes an assessment of what is happening, and what the most appropriate behavior in this situation is.

When we’re with someone, if they are fulfilling our rule structure for how things should be, a feeling of love is triggered. Very often neither us, nor them know precisely what those rules are. But when they’re met in just the right way the feeling intensifies.

They say “I love you” and you believe it is the case. Rather, they love the experience they have when their model of how things should be is met. But they really believe it. Because their senses see you while they have the feeling they say “I love you” and project the feeling on the most appropriate target.

Very often we become infatuated with people when we know little to nothing about them. Yet we have an idea of what they are like, and that idea is congruent with our “dream” of how things should be. We say they’re a “dream come true.” You can see this most clearly with first loves, high school crushes, and celebrity crushes. We’re not knowing the person so closely, rather, we’re intermingling with the dream that we project on them. We say we’re “in love.”

Because we often hear things such as “He broke my heart!” we interpret that this can actually happen. Yet, our hearts break not because of the other person. Indeed, it broke because we had a vision of how things should be, and we hurt so badly when we realize that it hasn’t been met. They stopped behaving in a way that fits into our dream. So we feel an equivalent of pain to the fulfillment that the dream brought.

The more a person understands you, if they want to gain great influence in your life, they will simply fulfill your dream. This will trigger powerful states of love, significance, feeling special. Doing this, a person can feel addicted to another, because they align with the dream, trigger the state of love. Because that person is there when we feel the state we associate it with them, and say “I love them!” It’s more accurate to say that we love the state that we feel when we perceive our dream has been fulfilled.

In the same way a person who has been striving to reach a goal feels when they finally attain their outcome.

When we feel love when a person is there, we feel love, we feel complete, whole. We believe that person causes these feelings. This is why so many fall into guru or celebrity worship. We think that we need that person to feel whole. That’s not so. We merely need to know how to consciously, autonomously engage that state ourselves.

This is where relationships can become so powerful.

If both parties know this, and decide to play along, it’s outstanding. First, each of you learns to fulfill your own mental and emotional needs at a high level. Then, that takes so much pressure off of your partner. You feel more emotionally stable. Your insecurity dissolves because you’re not afraid of losing them so much. Your attachments soften. Your need to control them softens.

Then, from a point of each partner feeling complete on your own, you both work to meet all of the partner’s needs at a 10. To do this you have to be committed to improvement, and an ever deep understanding of what combination of stimuli will light your partner up to the maximum.

Then you can have all of the bliss of a legendary romance without the fearful craving, jealousy, emotional instability, and insecurity of an addiction.

If you want to have a beautiful life, learn to fulfill your needs autonomously.

Then, if you want a never-ending magic and ever-deepening connection you can build it without addiction, and with an ever deepening passion to fulfill one another to ever greater heights of compassion, bliss, caring, and ecstasy.

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